Parenting after divorce can be extremely difficult, especially when the parents are not on friendly terms and every attempt to communicate ends up in a fight. This behavior is hard on the children as well, who are often caught in the middle.
Parents are often too caught up in their own emotions to serve in the children’s best interests. This causes children to feel neglected, confused and resentful toward their parents.
While divorces are emotional, parents need to stay focused on parenting. Here are some common mistakes parents make after a divorce and why they need to avoid them.
Sure, it can be hard to talk to your ex after a divorce, but it’s time to push all those negative emotions to the side and focus on your children. Using them to relay messages to the other parents and forcing them to take sides are not healthy behaviors. Children should not be put in the middle. If you need to communicate with your ex, then act mature and do it yourself.
This is just as bad as using children as messengers. If you need a shoulder to cry on, visit a close friend or family member. See a therapist. You should not, however, unload all your problems onto the kids. They have enough to worry about. They are not mature enough to understand your emotional issues. They do not need to know all the details of why you divorced and why you now hate the other parent. Leave them out of it.
Hold your tongue when around the children. Criticizing the other parent or picking fights with them is unhealthy for the kids. Children are forced to take sides. Plus, remember that the other parent is still a part of your child’s life, whether you like it or not. Be amicable. If you are dealing with negative emotions, see a therapist.
When your children see Mom or Dad for the weekend, try to reduce the tension. Children may be afraid to communicate with you because you might get angry at their responses. Don’t ask too many questions, and if you do, make them fun. Then let it go. Your child is going to see the other parent regularly, so you might as well get used to it.
In order to get revenge on the other parent, the custodial parent may intentionally move away or not invite the parent to important events, such as graduations and birthday parties. They may leave the parent in the dark about medical issues and academic achievements. This not only hurts the parent, but the children as well. They most likely want both parents to celebrate their special occasions.
Parenting is hard enough when the parents are married. Factor in divorce and it’s a downright difficult job. Moms and Dads are bound to make mistakes along the way.
The Columbia child custody attorneys at the Law Offices of Todd K. Mohink, P.A. can help you with child custody and parenting issues during and after your divorce. We offer compassionate support for our clients. We have two offices to serve you. Schedule a free consultation today. Call (410) 774-5987 or fill out the online form.
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