Reasons Why Couples Therapy May Not Work

When things get rough in a marriage, couples tend to do one of three things: ignore the situation, get a divorce, or try couples therapy. Couples therapy is an effective solution that has a high success rate. It can help couples work through conflicts.

However, it only works when both parties are committed to the process. Plus, they both have to be there to improve their marriage. If their goal is simply to “win,” then they’re not going to make it very far.

When couples seek therapy, it is usually because there is a huge problem in their marriage. Common problems include affairs and addictions, but in the past 18 months, the coronavirus pandemic has also wreaked havoc on marriages. While many couples find success in couples therapy, some do not for several reasons.

One Partner Has No Interest

In this situation, one person is committed to working on the marriage, while the other is not. In many cases, it is the wife who initiates couples therapy. The husband may show up and claim that he will work on the marriage, but in many cases, nothing changes. He may not want to do any work to improve the relationship or he just might not care.

Interests Outside the Relationship

Interests outside the relationship include addictions, such as drug or alcohol use or gambling. Affairs are another example. These spouses have one foot outside of the marriage, and when this happens, the marriage cannot improve. Therapy cannot help in these cases.

Deeper Issues

Sometimes therapy just does not work and the main reason why is that there are hidden reasons, such as trauma. This trauma is often outside of a person’s awareness. They may not be thinking about it constantly, but it continues to be in the back of their mind. In fact, it’s in a deeper part of the brain.

Some people are triggered by trauma from their childhood, such as by relationships with parents and siblings. They may have deep-rooted issues from school or friends. These issues can rear their ugly heads decades later in a marriage when they have to deal with a spouse who is a narcissist or a bully.

Unfortunately, talking isn’t always enough to resolve this trauma. Other types of therapy may need to be used to get a person to move past these deeper issues. It also helps to have the right therapist, as not all can salvage a relationship.

Contact a Maryland Family Law Attorney Today

While many couples may opt for therapy when their marriage is falling apart or as a last resort, it’s not a quick fix. If there are serious issues, couples therapy may not even work at all.

Is your marriage on the rocks? Ready to start the divorce process? The Columbia divorce lawyers at the Law Offices of Todd K. Mohink, P.A. has decades of experience dealing with the various elements involved. Fill out the online form or call (410) 774-5987 to schedule a consultation today. We have two offices to serve you.


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