No matter how long you have been in a relationship, arguments and disagreements are bound to occur. It’s just part of life. Children have arguments with their parents. Spouses have arguments with each other.
You would think that after spending decades together, a couple would fight rarely. There are situations in which couples can have flare-ups from time to time, though. It might be a minor issue, like a spouse forgetting to take out the garbage. It could be a major one, like money issues.
When an argument erupts into an angry outburst, it may be helpful to the marriage if it brings attention to issues that need to be addressed and these issues get resolved. However, some of these arguments are caused by hidden resentment. Hidden resentment can rear its ugly head when a problem festers. One person may have a problem but fail to voice their concern to their partner. Or maybe they have voiced their concern, but they minimized it or were in denial about it (“I’m not mad at you.”).
When a problem is unresolved, it doesn’t just go away. It remains and gets worse over time, making an otherwise positive relationship a negative one. In fact, some people use anger when they fear intimacy. This often occurs after a person has gone through a divorce or other bad relationship. When the couple gets close, one person may start an argument about something as a sort of defense mechanism.
When a couple fights, they either stick it out or decide to break up. If you want to stick together, follow these tips.
As the saying goes, don’t go to bed angry. Don’t let your partner stew about the issue. Try to resolve it as soon as possible. Coming to a solution will make you feel happier in the long run.
Before you say something hurtful, pause and think about what you want to say. You may be feeling emotional, but you want to avoid making the situation worse. Think about how to express yourself in a calmer manner. Avoid badmouthing and blaming. If you’re kinder, you’re more likely to be heard.
Allow your partner to be heard. Don’t cut off your spouse or make insensitive comments. Come into an argument with an open mind. Allow yourself to see things through their point of view. React positively and don’t focus on winning. Ideally, both parties should be winners.
Even when a couple has been together for many decades, they may still fight often. When the fights are major, this can signal serious issues in a marriage.
Get advice from a Columbia divorce lawyer from The Law Offices of Todd K. Mohink, P.A. We’ll work hard to effectively guide you through the divorce process. Call (410) 774-5987 or fill out the online form to schedule a consultation.
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