Let’s face it—we’re not perfect. We all make mistakes. But the way we handle them can make or break our marriages.
When a person tells you they are sorry for something, does it sometimes feel as though they don’t mean it? Or that they are inadvertently criticizing you for being sensitive?
Apologizing is not easy. There are words, tone, and demeanor involved. How you incorporate all these elements can determine whether or not you are being genuine.
The stakes are higher when it’s your spouse to whom you need to apologize. That’s because they probably know you better than anyone. Therefore, you need to say you’re sorry in a way that will help your spouse feel better and allow you both to move forward. Here are some tips to keep in mind.
You may think this is an acceptable thing to say, given that it has the phrase “I’m sorry” embedded into it. However, think about this phrase. It has a tone of “blame the victim.” After all, they were offended, not anyone else. When you say this, you’re not taking responsibility for your actions. You’re putting the blame on the other person, which is just not cool.
Don’t start off with an apology and then add the dreaded word “but.” All this does is cancel out the apology. It means nothing now that you added excuses. Instead of blaming the other person for your reaction, consider saying something like, “I’m sorry about what I said. I should not have reacted like that.” This is a clear message that shows you were in the wrong, not the other person.
When you apologize, you need to be sincere about it. Don’t make jokes about it or use a demeaning tone. Say that you are sorry and truly mean it. You need to be aware of the hurt you caused and make it so it doesn’t happen again. Forgot your spouse’s birthday? Set up a reminder. Take appropriate steps to rectify the situation.
When we make a mistake, it can be hard to suck it up and acknowledge that we were wrong. However, you need to learn how to do this if you want to stay married. You will make a mistake at some point, so don’t assume you will always be blameless. Pointing fingers does nothing to resolve the issue. Instead, apologize and strive to do better.
Marriages are not perfect. It’s OK to make mistakes—just be sure you apologize the right way so you don’t make matters even worse.
Is your partner’s way of apologizing causing marital strife? If you’re feeling hurtful by your spouse’s actions, perhaps divorce is the answer. Let a Columbia divorce lawyer from The Law Offices of Todd K. Mohink, P.A. guide you through the process. Schedule a consultation today by filling out the online form or calling (410) 774-5987.
7310 Ritchie Highway, Suite 910
Glen Burnie, MD 21061
30 Corporate Center
10440 Little Patuxent Parkway,
Columbia, MD 21044